I wonder why I often see terrible parents who try their hardest to be good.
that's like asking why disingenuous people who try so hard to be themselves.
its also like asking why would somebody who really want to live like they are super rich. turns out to be in debt.
or how about: we want to live in an infinitely growing economy than why would our natural resources be dwindling?
by this point the answer should be obvious:
its about sustainability.
people who extract beyond the natural rate of replenishment create poverty, and poverty maintains itself by means of economic or social resection.
here is how I could do it to my kid:
lets say I try to be a super parent and offer move love and attention than I truly have. lets say I can really only give 2 hours a day of focused play and another 4 of shared activities like going on walks, or gardening. beyond that I start feeling like I'm neglecting my other needs, or simply getting bored reading the same story over and over.
so what do I do?
I devote 4 ours for focused play and the rest of the day for carrying my kid around while trying to do other things.
and what happens?
a terrible cascade of deteriorated relationship.
I end up not giving enough attention to my kid, and nor am I able to ever fully relax or do other things that I have to. my kid notices that I am not really happy before I even do, he starts acting up, I lose my temper, they become even more demanding of my attention since he really feels that don't really want to be with him, and as a response to his behavior, I start to try to set boundaries.
because I feel so frazzled and can't think strait I end up giving into nags and cries, and immediate substitutes for attention in the form of candy or disney, which only exacerbates the situation in the long run since they are addictive in nature and not satisfying any needs.
so I've made both of us missurable just because I was trying to be a good parent harder than my own natural resources.
how can I be so blind?
how much have I studied natural resource conservation to know that when you extract beyond the means of nature to replenish you create a terrible cascade of events that results in tragic depletion and even eco-system collapse. this happens with range ecology, fisheries, forestry, industrial agriculture, freshwater extraction, and of course with the carbon cycle. so it can also happen to us.
how could I be dissociating my knowledge so sharply? aren't my emotional resources also natural? don't I need to be replenished too?
so in creating a community based on the principle of sustainability, I want to ask if we know anything about social and emotional sustainability. its ok to say no. but we have to learn about it. its kinda ironic that sustainable communities can't seem to sustain themselves.
I just kinda came upon this realization about myself as a parents recently. I wonder how many other things in my life I'm still completely blind to, and I keep bringing this industrial mentality which maybe I don't believe in it , but I completely live in it.